Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
