I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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