Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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