haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
