I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
