Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
