Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
