ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
