I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
