Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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