According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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