So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
