looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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