Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
