I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
