if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
