a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
don't judge my taste in strippers
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
