he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
