i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize