I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
