He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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