I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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