a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
