Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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