You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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