the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
