If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
