I wish I could teleport
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
