I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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