I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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