There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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