were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
