a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
