...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
