There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
