Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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