I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
