life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
