I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
