why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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