Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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