I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
