do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
this is an emotional support booty call
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
