Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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