Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
