Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
