We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
