Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the condom got lost in my hair
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
