You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
my being single is dangerous.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
