I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
