I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
