My brain says no but my pants say off.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Mom said you looked used
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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