I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I need a beard to bite.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
