i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
