long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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