mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize