You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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