I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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