I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We had to coat check the pizza.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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