also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
