you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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