If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
