I want to walk on stilts...naked
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
