It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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