I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
