Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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