even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
