my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
worst night to have a conscience
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
