why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
