Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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