I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
