You can't motorboat a personality
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
